Lesser of Two
by shadowmaat
Summary: What if Nirrti knew Jonas's weaknesses? And exploited them? Splits from Metamorphosis. Story gets grimmer after chapter 1.
1. Choices

_This story picks up in the middle of the S6 ep Metamorphosis in the scene where Nirrti is trying to get Jonas to join her._

"I could make you more powerful than you can imagine. Powers you have seen in Woden and the others. Only a fraction of what I could give you."

Jonas struggled not to react as the goa'uld slid her hand down his chest. He stared at a point on the far wall and tried not to breathe in her perfume- it was making him dizzy. "Well," he said, "that is definitely the most interesting offer I've had in a very long time." He ignored her as she leaned in closer, pressing her breasts against his back. "But you can't risk giving me those kinds of powers unless you're certain I won't use them against you." 

Nirrti chuckled, the sound sending a chill down his spine. "Oh, but I am certain, Jonas Quinn." She nuzzled his ear. "I know you will remain loyal to me because you have no other choice."

"A person always has a choice." He leaned away from her, keeping his breathing even as he felt her hand slip lower. "For instance, you could choose to stop experimenting on humans. You could choose to repair the damage you've done to the people of this world."

"Damage?" Her tone feigned surprise. "I have helped these people to realize their potential. I have made them more than human. Better. And I could do the same for you." Her other hand slid around his chest. "We could rule the galaxy together."

"At what price?" He shifted, his heart hammering as she blew gently across his neck. "Turn my back on my friends? Give up everyone and everything important to me just to be your slave?" He shook his head. "No. I'm sorry, I don't side with monsters."

"Your friends have already turned their back on you." Her finger began tracing small circles along his inner thigh. "They did it when they chose to trade you for their own lives."

Jonas brushed her hand away, his face reddening as he felt an unwelcome stirring in his loins. "They would never do that. SG-1 doesn't negotiate with the Goa'uld."

"It would not be the first time they made a deal with me," she replied, "And it is not as though they felt they were making a sacrifice. They do not realize how powerful you are, and do not recognize your potential. Not like I do." Her other hand started to slide lower. "They just see you as... a nuisance."

Jonas stood, still refusing to look at her. "I demand that you take me back to my teammates."

"They are gone." Nirrti sighed. "That was our agreement. I undo what I did to Major Carter and the one called Evanov and allow them all to return through the stargate. In exchange I get you, to do with as I please."

"I'm not buying your lies, Nirrti." Jonas took a couple of steps away from her, clenching his hands into fists. "I've read all the reports about you; I know better than to trust anything you say." There was a swish of material behind him and he heard Nirrti approach.

"I was not the only one to witness their departure. Woden and Eggar were among those who followed SG-1 to the stargate. Eggar said that he read their thoughts with ease. There was no regret from any of them." Her fingers traced paths along the bare skin of his arms.

"You're wrong," Jonas said, "SG-1 never leaves a man behind."

Nirrti looked at him. "Now who is the one lying?"

The first sliver of doubt entered his mind. He wondered what she knew.

"You are destined for greater things than the Tau'ri can offer you, Jonas Quinn." She brushed against him, placing herself squarely in his path.

He nodded. "Right, right. Ruling the galaxy, huh? Crushing opponents with a single thought?"

"Yes!" Her hands tightened on his waist, pulling him closer. "I can make you complete, and together we will rise to power." She licked her lips. "None will dare to oppose us."

"That sounds very... exciting." Smiling, he placed his hands on her shoulders. "But tell me, if I'm truly meant for great things, if I'll have powers beyond my imagining, then why would I need you?" He caught a flicker of anger in her eyes and congratulated himself on finally scoring a hit.

"You will be powerful," Nirrti said, her voice slow and deliberate. "But there is still much for you to learn. I can teach you. I will guide you down the path to your destiny." She rubbed against him and he felt an unwelcome surge of interest.

He shoved her away, angry and embarrassed. "I'm not playing your games any more, Nirrti," he said, in a husky voice. "You lose. Now, let me go back to my team."

"Your 'team' does not want you back." Her eyes glowed. "They never wanted you in the first place. But they were faced with a choice, too. You... or a member of an enemy state."

Jonas froze. How did she know? Had Eggar really seen that much? The sliver of doubt widened. He'd heard rumors about his appointment to SG-1, but Teal'c had assured him that his skills are what had earned him his place on the team. And yet... Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter had both been opposed to the idea until the Russian colonel Chekov had visited the base.

"All they saw was a choice of one evil over another. They did not appreciate you, did not understand all that you have to offer." She moved closer again, stroking his arm. "I do."

"I'll find them myself." He started to push past her but she caught his wrist in a surprisingly strong grip.

"Your time among the Tau'ri has dulled your senses. Could you truly not see how they felt about you?" She tilted her head back to study him. "I do not need Eggar to tell me that you were not a part of them. They never accepted you, never trusted you. Did they even try?" She frowned. "They surrendered you without debate in order to save themselves. Why would you want to return to that?"

"I only have your word that they're gone." Jonas tried to ease himself from her grasp. "For all I know, they're all still down there in the cells. Carter and Evanov could still be dying because of what you did to them."

"Logical until the end." She smiled, her thumb describing small arcs across his wrist. "You will serve me well. And since you desire evidence, I will show you how SG-1 has chosen to repay you for your loyalty."

She released his hand and called Woden and Eggar into the room. He could have run, he should have, but her willingness to do something which could only prove her wrong confused him. Unless... He shook his head. No, Colonel O'Neill and the others might not like him very much, but they would never leave anyone in the clutch of a goa'uld.

"We will accompany Jonas Quinn down to the holding cells to see his friends," Nirrti told her mutant servants.

"But Nirrti..." Eggar was staring at her. "You... told us to release them. They are... they are gone."

Jonas felt the blood drain from his face. It was a lie, it had to be.

Nirrti lifted her chin. "Jonas needs to see the empty cells before he will believe it."

Eggar and Woden both looked at him. He could feel the blood roaring in his ears. This was all wrong. It had to be some kind of trick. Wordlessly, he followed them into the corridor.

"This is not the first time they've left someone behind, is it?" Eggar slowed to walk beside him. "I can sense it. They've done this before." He hissed. "I knew they could not be trusted!"

Jonas wanted to deny it. He wanted to tell Eggar he was wrong and say how great SG-1 was, but instead, he found himself thinking about Fifth.

Fifth had been one of the humanoid Replicators SG-1 had encountered on the Asgard homeworld, Halla. Unlike First through Fourth, Fifth had been different, he'd had emotions. Those emotions had helped him to realize that what his brethren were doing was wrong. He had betrayed his people in order to help SG-1 escape, and in return, O'Neill had abandoned him, leaving him to become trapped in the Asgard's temporal displacement field along with the others.

Of course, this was different. Fifth hadn't been a member of SG-1 and O'Neill had seen no other way to save the team. Jonas, on the other hand...

"See for yourself what worth you hold to the Tau'ri," Nirrti announced, gesturing at a doorway.

Jonas realized they'd arrived at the entrance to the dungeon. Taking a deep breath, he stepped through onto the landing and looked into the room below.

"No!" The air rushed out of his lungs. The cells were empty. He grabbed the railing, unable to accept what he was seeing. "No. Something's wrong. You must have moved them." He turned to find Nirrti standing behind him. Eggar was whispering to her.

"Poor Jonas." Smiling, she reached out to touch him.

He pushed her hand away. "What have you done with them? Where are they?"

Nirrti shook her head. "Can you still not accept that your precious SG-1 would leave you behind?"

"Even if they'd considered it- which they wouldn't- You would never have agreed to that deal in the first place."

"No?" Nirrti arched an eyebrow. "It was a small price to pay for my hok'taur." She traced the line of his jaw, never quite touching him. "It must have been so difficult for you," she continued, "You sacrificed everything for what you believed in, tried so hard to fit in, only to be hated and thought of as an unworthy replacement for a great man. The lesser of two, once again."

Jonas turned his back on her, staring downwards and willing SG-1 to reappear. As he clutched the railing again, the rusting metal bit into his palms. "That's not true," he said, the words sounding false even to his own ears. He felt Nirrti's hands slip around his waist. "I don't accept this," he told her. His eyes never left the cell that had held O'Neill and Carter. "This is wrong. Colonel O'Neill would never-"

"Colonel O'Neill?" Nirrti laughed, nudging herself closer to him. "Do you know what Colonel O'Neill sees whenever he looks at you?" She rested her cheek on his arm as she stared down into the empty cells with him. "He sees the poor, dying face of his best friend, Dr. Daniel Jackson."

Jonas squeezed his eyes shut, trying desperately to tune out her words.

"He blames you for what happened. He holds you responsible for Daniel's death."

Jonas shook his head, reliving the accident that had ultimately brought him here. The confusion as the alarms had sounded, the dawning horror as realization of what was happening sank in, terror and shock as he'd followed protocol and ducked behind the safety wall only to realize Daniel wasn't with him. And then he'd frozen. He'd just... frozen... as Daniel had leaped into action. Of all the mistakes Jonas had made in his life, that one had by far been the worst. It still gave him nightmares, and he still woke from them bathed in sweat, weak and whimpering from the knowledge of what his failure had wrought. He would have traded almost anything to go back, to have a second chance to correct that one, fatal mistake.

"Let me finish what Nature started," Nirrti purred. "As my hok'taur, you would be able to see accidents before they happened. You could save countless lives and help those in need." She moved against him, her fingers tugging at the front of his shirt.

It took an effort to open his eyes again. Below, the natives were huddled in small groups, whispering and pointing up at the woman they considered a goddess.

"They really left me." He spoke without surprise. Looking back, it all made sense. Why wouldn't they leave him? The only wonder was why they hadn't done it sooner. Maybe they should have left him with Fifth. He turned to face Nirrti, still within the circle of her arms.

"You can show them all, Jonas Quinn." She smiled at him, her expression smug. "Prove to them that you are worthy, and make them regret what they did to you."

Jonas stared into her eyes. He could always let her evolve him and then kill her. He was banished from Kelowna, and he obviously wasn't welcome on Earth, but surely someone would take him in. He swallowed. Besides, it wasn't like he had any choice...


	2. Consequences

_WARNING: Story contains hints/references to non-consensual sex._

Jonas was floating. For the first time in a long time, he felt at peace. Something had to be wrong. He was never this relaxed, never allowed himself to unwind. But for now, none of that seemed to matter.

Something moved against him, sending a warm tingle through his limbs. He shifted, trying to recapture the feeling, and was rewarded as a wave of pleasure coursed up his spine. He moaned, almost waking, but this dream was too good to let go. Another ripple, slightly stronger this time, better. His awareness increased, and with it came a sense of wrongness. He wasn't supposed to be here. This wasn't supposed to be happening... He ignored the warnings, moving again to increase his mounting joy. Nothing this good could be bad. He surrendered himself to the moment and to the visceral, almost electric thrill coursing through him.

Release came unexpectedly, explosively, bringing him to full conscience. His hands tightened, digging into soft flesh. He opened his eyes to find a beautiful woman smiling down at him. He knew her.

"Sleep now, my love," she murmured.

As the world faded once again, a name drifted into his mind. "Nirrti..."

Jonas awoke to find himself in a bed, but memory of what had happened, of what he was doing there eluded him. A silky, open-front robe was his only covering. He tied it closed and sat up, struggling to sort his thoughts. Something bad had happened. SG-1 had been captured and he'd...

"Are you rested, my love?"

Startled, Jonas looked up to see Nirrti gliding towards him. She was wearing a sheer black dress and had a robe similar to his draped over her shoulders. His heart pounded.

"What did you do to me?" He lurched out of the bed, backing away from her.

She smiled at him and slipped out of the robe. "Have you forgotten our arrangement already?"

Fear left a bitter taste in the back of his throat. "You... transformed me." Alarms were going off in his head. There was something important he was forgetting. "Why can't I remember what happened?"

Nirrti sat on the edge of the bed, her legs spread at an indecent angle. Jonas looked away.

"The process has some unfortunate side effects," she told him, "but in time you will remember everything."

Jonas shivered and tried again to recall what had happened after he'd re-entered the lab with Nirrti. He reached out with his mind and touched... darkness. Horror, revulsion, and terror beat against him as he tried to read her mind. There, foremost in her thoughts, was the truth she was trying to hide from him. The truth about SG-1.

His head snapped back as she slapped him.

"How dare you?" she snarled, her eyes glowing. "It is not for you to know the mind of your goddess!"

"You're no goddess, Nirrti." Jonas rubbed his stinging cheek. "I haven't forgotten that much. You're just a liar and a thief, taking things that don't belong to you like a common scavenger." He raised his arm as she moved to hit him again, but she stopped, lowering her hand.

"You know nothing of my methods, Jonas Quinn."

"I know that you used Eggar to cloud my mind." He glared at her. "You made me believe that SG-1 had abandoned me when, in fact, they were in those cells all along. Weren't they?" Shame burned within him. He should have known better, he should have trusted his teammates.

"Is that all that bothers you?" She slithered closer, slipping a hand beneath his robe with alarming familiarity. Jonas backed away, heat suffusing his cheeks.

"Yes. I lied to you about your teammates, but you heard a truth in my words. If you think I lie, then look within me again." She watched him, her eyes wide and mocking.

Again, he pushed forward with his mind, determined not only to prove her wrong, but to find a way to disable her. Instead, he found himself sprawled on the floor.

"My poor little hok'taur." Nirrti crouched beside him, combing her fingers through his hair. He couldn't even muster the energy to move. "You have to grow into your powers. If you try to do too much too fast, it will kill you." She helped him sit up, unknotting his robe with one hand. "You will learn to love me, Jonas Quinn. I will help you to forget the Tau'ri and all of the terrible things that they have done to you."

He managed to push her questing hand away. "They took me in when no one else would. I won't forget them." He concentrated on retying the robe. One thing at a time. "I'm going to rescue them. Then I'm going to kill you and free all these people you've enslaved."

"Mmm. Sweet, but naive." Her lips brushed against his jaw, but before he could react, she was standing. "I will leave you to recover. Once I return we can discuss your... position with me."

He tried not to think about the uncomfortable feelings the goa'uld was stirring within him. It was nothing but hormones and genetic tampering,;that was all. "I'll never join you, Nirrti."

She paused, halfway to the door. "You already have."

After she left, Jonas managed to get to his feet. He had to get to SG-1 before she came back. The unreliability of his "special powers" was going to make it difficult, but he could sense that if he didn't do something soon, there would be no SG-1 left to rescue. He shuffled his way over to the door, wishing fervently that he knew what Nirrti had done with his clothes. He didn't have time to look for them.

The corridor was empty. Swallowing, he left the room, trusting blind instinct and his partial memory to lead him back to the dungeon. He passed a few guards on his way, but none of them seemed to notice him. At last, he came to a doorway he remembered. Feeling slightly dizzy, he leaned against the frame to catch his breath. There was a flash and suddenly he was hanging in the air as a staff weapon discharged at him. He fell backwards, clutching his chest, only to find himself alone in the hall. No pain, no wound, no attacking jaffa. Heart hammering, he stood and entered the dungeon.

"Colonel O'Neill! Teal'c!" The colonel and the jaffa were where he had last seen them, in their cells. He couldn't see Carter, and Evanov's cell was empty except for a drying puddle. He half ran, half fell down the stairs, scattering several locals crowded into the area.

O'Neill was kneeling beside the cot, and as Jonas approached, he saw why; Major Carter was curled up on it, shivering and bathed in a thick sheen of sweat.

"Jonas." O'Neill didn't even look up. "How nice of you to join us."

Teal'c gripped the bars of his cell. "Are you unharmed, Jonas Quinn?"

"What? Yeah, I'm fine," Jonas replied, distracted. "How's Major Carter? And where's-"

_Evanov coughs, spitting up fluid. His body spasms and he dissolves into water._

O'Neill stood. Jonas didn't need any psychic powers to feel the anger rolling off SG-1's commander. "You're Nerdy's pet hok'taur; you tell us!"

Self-conscious, Jonas tried to tighten his robe. "Colonel, I..." He didn't know what to say. He was sorry for not believing in SG-1? He'd only allowed Nirrti to transform him so he could finally be useful? That his powers were unreliable and slowly killing him?

"Y'know, if you have some brilliant, evolved plan, now might be a good time to share it with us." _Daniel would never would have betrayed us._

Jonas winced, easily able to follow O'Neill's unspoken line of thought. "I'm sorry. I... I'll get you out of here, I promise." 

"Great." O'Neill waved at the iron bars. "Go right ahead. Knock yourself out."

He concentrated. How had Woden done it? Holding his hand out flat, he made a lifting gesture and thought _Up_. Nothing happened. Sweat beaded on his forehead as he tried again. Still, nothing.

"Take your time," O'Neill called. "No rush."

Jonas stared at the bars, pleading with them to rise. Pain blossomed in his skull and he collapsed to his knees. He heard O'Neill sigh.

"Oh, perfect."

"Perhaps another attempt would be successful," Teal'c offered.

"I see that you have already met the new and improved Jonas Quinn." Nirrti had arrived. Jonas couldn't even look up to see her.

"Improved?" O'Neill snorted. "He looks like crap. But that seems to be how you like 'em, eh, Nerdy?"

"Remove them from their cells," Nirrti commanded. "Leave the woman. She is of no further use to me."

"No!" O'Neill slammed into the bars. "Come on, Jonas! I know you can do this! Please!"

There was the scrape of metal as the bars were raised. Jonas managed to lift his head. O'Neill and Teal'c were both suspended several inches off the ground, visibly struggling, but to no effect. Woden was nearby, watching them intently. Eggar was standing beside Nirrti, whispering to her.

Jonas locked eyes with O'Neill and caught a flash of anger/fear/desperation, then his vision doubled as he saw himself through O'Neill's eyes: pale and trembling, his face shiny with sweat, blood dribbling out of his nose in a steady stream. _My god... What the hell has she done to him? He's almost as bad as Carter... If he can't help us, we might not make it outta here..._ Jonas closed his eyes, trying to block out the colonel's thoughts.

"I'll tell you what, Nerdy," O'Neill said, "You... fix Carter and Jonas and let my team go, and you can have me in exchange. I'm a hell of a lot stronger than Jonas and I have years of experience behind me."

Jonas blinked his eyes open in time to see Teal'c being levitated past him. Tendons bulged in the jaffa's neck as he continued to fight Woden's grip.

"I think you underestimate the strength of my hok'taur, Colonel." Nirrti smiled. "He has experience enough to satisfy my needs."

"Stop..." Jonas' voice was barely a whisper, but he knew she heard him.

"Do not tire yourself so quickly, my love," she purred. "I still need you and it will be easier if you are alive."

"I'm telling you, Nerdy..." O'Neill continued to struggle without much success. "You're missing out on a great opportunity, here. I may not be an egghead like they are, but I make up for it in- mmph!" His jaw clamped shut.

"Please..." Jonas begged.

Nirrti leaned on the railing. "I will make them pay for the way they treated you."

Nausea clawed at his gut. He started to retch, and by the time he had it under control again, Nirrti was gone. Jonas knew where she was taking them. As she'd left, he'd caught an image of the gene resequencer, and whatever she was intending could not be good.

It was surprisingly easy to stand, and he wondered if part of his weakness had been caused by Woden's influence. Sweat dripped down his face, mingling with the blood, but after a few minutes of concentration he managed to raise the bars of Carter's cell. She moaned as he approached, tossing her head from side to side.

"I'm here, Sam. I'm going to help." As he touched her, his knees buckled. She was in agony, being torn apart cell by cell, and she was intimately aware of it happening. Her mind was already preparing itself for death and regrets buzzed around her like insects. _I was rude to Dad on his last visit; it's been months since I've seen Mark; I shouldn't have lied to Janet about Movie Night, I could have waited to fix my bike..._ and then there were more intimate sadnesses: _I'll never get married, now; I'm never going to have any kids; I should have told people how I felt about them._ Jack was foremost in her thoughts, but mixed in were affectionate memories of Teal'c... and of Daniel. Jonas tried desperately to block out her thoughts as he lifted her. "Don't give up on me now, Sam."

Her subconscious continued to dwell on Daniel. _Is this how he felt when he was dying?_

"Please, don't," he pleaded, managing to drag her out of the cell. He paused to wipe his nose, leaving a bloody smear across his wrist. His wonderful new talents were burning him up fast. He only hoped that he'd be able to help SG-1 escape before he was gone completely. "We have to get to Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c before Nirrti does anything to them," he told her.

"Colonel?" Carter raised her head.

"Yeah." Jonas guided her towards the stairs. "Come on. Colonel O'Neill is counting on you."

He managed to get her up the stairs without too much trouble, but halfway down the corridor, she started to have a seizure.

"No! Not now!" He lay her on the floor and tried to steady her flailing limbs. The throbbing in his head was getting worse.

"Kree! Mi'la tu'tu?" A guard was approaching.

"Tao've'nu." Jonas motioned him closer.

The guard placed his staff weapon on the floor and knelt beside him.

Jonas smashed his elbow into the guard's nose, sending him over backwards.

Carter was breathing evenly again, so he took the guard's zat, grabbed the staff weapon, and then helped her back to her feet. "We're almost there, Sam."

The two of them staggered the rest of the way to the lab. Jonas could feel the thrum of machinery as they got closer. Two guards were stationed in the hallway outside, but neither had caught sight of the intruders yet.

"Stay here." Jonas leaned Carter against the wall.

The guards straightened as he approached.

He shot them both with the zat and strode into the lab. Nirrti had Colonel O'Neill up on the platform surrounded by holographic imagery of his DNA. A wave of his hand and Jonas managed to send Nirrti crashing into a wall. Movement in the corner of his eye made him duck in time to avoid a flying sculpture. He zatted Woden as the servant launched another projectile. His knees barely supported him and his head was pounding.

"Teal'c!" Jonas tossed the staff weapon to Teal'c, who caught it and immediately shot another guard coming into the room. "Get Carter! She's down the hall on the left!"

"What are you doing?" Eggar materialized before him, projecting fury. "Nirrti has saved you! She's made you better than you were! How can you do this?"

Beyond Eggar, Jonas could see Nirrti beginning to stir. "She hasn't saved me, Eggar." His voice was hoarse, and he could feel blood running down the back of his throat. "All she's done is turn me into another one of her slaves. Without more of her 'treatments' I'll be just as dead as Alebran." As he said it, he realized it was true. Despite Nirrti's reassurances, she'd built the same "fail-safe" into him that she'd placed in all of the villagers.

"Lies!" Eggar's misshapen eyes widened. "You believe them, but they are lies! Nirrti has freed-" A staff blast caught him in the face. 

Reinforcements had arrived. Jonas reeled back from the shock of the man's death, narrowly avoiding a blast aimed at him. Teal'c was working his way back into the room, one arm wrapped around Carter, holding her upright as he shielded her from attack. O'Neill was still trapped within the matrix of the resequencer. Jonas lurched towards the control panel, blood dripping from his nose again as he dug through Nirrti's mind for the answers he needed.

"You!" Her eyes flared as she stood. "How dare you-"

He zatted her once and went back to work on the control panel. As far as he could tell, Nirrti hadn't finished analyzing O'Neill's DNA yet, which meant she hadn't had time to change anything. He shut down the program and O'Neill fell to his knees then rolled away from the machine. A quick glance and a pointed thought dragged a staff weapon into O'Neill's reach. Teal'c was already loading Carter onto the platform. O'Neill, still flat on the floor, provided cover fire, dispatching a jaffa aiming at Teal'c.

Jonas' fingers flew over the controls as he punched in the sequence that would reverse the process performed on Carter. As he hit the activation crystal, something slammed into him, knocking him away from the controls.

"Did you really think you could win?" Nirrti growled, pinning him to the floor. One arm was trapped beneath him, making it almost impossible to move.

"I won't let you get away with this, Nirrti." He tried to levitate her off him, but she clubbed him in the temple, setting off sparks in his vision.

"I could have made you a god." She shifted her weight, making her post less hostile and more seductive. "I would have held you above all others... as you held me."

Again, familiarity danced on the edges of his memory. Jonas didn't like where this was headed. He wished someone would come to his rescue, but the control panel that shielded him from the continuing battle also prevented O'Neill and Teal'c from helping him. "I'll kill you if I have to," he warned, swallowing the nausea building in the pit of his stomach.

"No, my love, you cannot harm me." She leaned down, kissing him on the lips, laughing as he tried to twist out of her way. "You could never kill the mother of your unborn child."

The world seemed to freeze. Jonas looked up into her wide, mocking eyes and saw the truth. Memory flooded back. The weightlessness, the pleasure, the dream which, he now realized, had been horribly real.

_She had come to him while he'd been recovering in her bed. She had been wearing nothing, and he had on only the simple robe she'd dressed him in. One of the side effects of the treatment was exhaustion, so he had been mostly asleep while she worked him slowly, building him up until she finally mounted him and..._

"No!" Jonas struggled desperately to escape, not just Nirrti, but the images now saturating his mind. She'd violated him and he'd _enjoyed_ it. And now... he could sense the cells dividing within her, multiplying and growing at an incredible rate. He caught a flash of what it would look like... what SHE would look like: silky black hair, dimpled cheeks, and blue eyes as coldand as dangerous as the Antarctic.

"What a shame that you will not live to see our child born." She wrapped a hand around his throat, her nails digging into his pulse and her palm crushing down on his windpipe, choking him. "I will name it after you." She leaned in to kiss him again, applying even more pressure to his throat. "It will be your legacy."

He reached out, desperate, and squeezed. She reared back, her eyes bulging from her head. She collapsed on top of him and didn't move.

"Nooo!"

Invisible hands lifted him into the air and spun him around. He saw the flash of the staff weapon just before the charge hit him in the chest. Pain seared through him, obliterating everything else. He dropped back to the floor and found himself staring into Nirrti's eyes. Even dead she managed to accuse him. _Murderer. Baby killer._ His vision darkened, and although he could still hear the fighting, it was distant. The noise faded, the pain faded, and all he could feel was relief. _Finally, it's all over..._


	3. Aftershocks

_WARNING: story contains scenes/references to non-consensual sex._

The smell of hot wax filled his nostrils. Jonas recognized his surroundings almost immediately; he was in a private room in the infirmary at Stargate Command. Teal'c was seated on the floor, surrounded by candles.

"Are you well, Jonas Quinn?" Teal'c opened his eyes.

Jonas tried to reply, but nothing came out. He coughed, sending waves of fire through his chest. His skull felt as if it were splitting open and a quick check showed that his head was wrapped in bandages.

Teal'c started to snuff his candles. "While Dr. Fraiser was repairing the damage from the staff blast she discovered that you had received an injury to your head as well. Dr. Van Densen was brought in to remove a tumor growing in your brain."

Jonas nodded. He'd known Nirrti's experimentation had been killing him, that just proved it. He tried to read Teal'c's thoughts, but received nothing. No outside emotions struck him and no visions appeared before his eyes. Was the answer really that simple? And was it the answer he wanted?

"Sam?" He whispered the name, but his voice still cracked painfully.

"Major Carter has already recovered from her injuries and has been released from the care of Dr. Fraiser." Teal'c gestured across the room. "She visited earlier, but did not wish to disturb you."

It took some effort, but Jonas turned his head slowly and found himself looking at a table filled with flowers and cards. A large basket of fruit was on the floor.

"It is a tradition on Earth to offer gifts to the sick. You have had several visitors during your recovery." There was a pause. "Colonel O'Neill believes food to be more beneficial than foliage when it comes to healing."

Jonas stared at the basket and wondered if it really was from the colonel. He also wondered if he would have received as many gifts if people had known what he'd done. _Murderer. Baby killer._ Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Nirrti's face.

Teal'c finished putting his candles into the qal'pa sack and stood. "I must return to my duties, now, but if you do not object, I will return later to continue my vigil."

"Sure." His voice cracked again, making him wince. "Thanks, Teal'c."

"I am glad that you have survived, Jonas Quinn." Teal'c squared his shoulders. "Those of us who are not of Earth origins must stand together."

Jonas blinked. "Why, Teal'c. Are you... suggesting an alien conspiracy?"

Teal'c arched an eyebrow. "I am not."

Jonas' chuckle turned into a cough. Jaffa humor was a dangerous thing.

"Until later." Teal'c gave him a half-bow before leaving.

He hadn't been gone long before someone else appeared in the doorway.

"Jonas?"

It was Tanya Rush, the nurse he'd been flirting with on the elevator shortly before the mission to 367. She must have been waiting nearby for Teal'c to leave. She smiled as she approached.

"You know, if you wanted to see me again, there were much easier ways to do it." She fussed with the tubes in his arm and straightened his blankets.

He tried not to cringe, but his photographic memory was still working perfectly. _Nirrti smiles as her hands slide up his arms and begin caressing his chest, then work their way lower..._

"How do you feel?" Tanya asked.

"Fine," he lied, smiling.

She wrinkled her nose at him. "Good. Dr. Fraiser will be here in a minute to check on you, but I just wanted to drop in and say hi and see if there was anything I could do for you."

"Water." He could feel his throat constricting.

Tanya poured him a glass from the pitcher on the bedside table and helped him to sit up. Their fingers touched as she handed the glass to him and he jumped, spilling liquid on the sheets.

"Are you sure you're okay?" She dabbed at the sheets with a handful of tissue, watching him gulp his water. "Maybe I should get Dr. Fraiser..."

"Dr. Fraiser is already here."

They both looked up as Fraiser entered the room. Tanya took a hurried step back from the bed.

"Thank you, Lieutenant Rush. I think that will be all." Fraiser gave her a pointed look. Muttering apologies, Tanya scurried from the room.

"So... Jonas." Fraiser consulted the chart in her hands. "You gave us quite a scare for a while, there. How do you feel?"

"Like I'm broken." He'd intended for it to be a joke, but his voice came out hollow. He stared down into his glass, avoiding Fraiser's eyes.

"I see." She cleared her throat. "Your chest wound was pretty serious, but right now, I'm more concerned about the tumor we found in your brain." She walked around the side of the bed and waited until he looked up at her. "Dr. Van Densen managed to remove it, but she couldn't leave much of a margin in the surrounding tissue. She wants us to keep an eye on it in case it starts to grow back. We'll perform periodic MRIs just to be safe, but that also means that if you start to notice any headaches or prolonged periods of nausea, you tell me immediately, got it?"

"Sure." Jonas put his empty glass on the bedside table.

"Jonas." Fraiser frowned. "I want to make sure you understand how serious this is. You almost died. In fact, for a couple of minutes..." She shook her head, then continued quietly. "When they brought you in, you were talking to yourself. Things were hectic, and I don't think anyone else heard you, but... Did Nirrti do anything else to you? While she had you captive? Maybe something that your teammates don't know about?"

A bubble of fear rose inside him. _Did she know?_ He looked away, his hands tightening on the sheets. "Wasn't genetic manipulation bad enough?"

"It isn't a matter of 'was it bad enough?' It's a question of, 'was there anything else?' Speaking as your doctor, I need to know if anything else was done to you." She hesitated. "And speaking as your friend... I want to help in any way that I can. Anything you say to me will be kept strictly confidential. It won't leave this room, I promise."

"I'm fine. Nothing happened." The silence stretched. He could tell she was waiting for him to say something more, but he didn't want to think about it.

Fraiser snorted. "Ah, of course. The Tough Guy Act. Somehow, I thought you'd be immune to it. But then, it's usually the quiet ones who suffer the most." She gave him a tight smile. "I think you and Daniel have a lot more in common than you realize. And I don't just mean your stubborn streak."

His head was starting to throb and the water in his stomach suddenly seemed sour. "Right," he said. "Dr. Jackson and I have all kinds of things in common. I use his office, I use his quarters, I use his tools..." He sniffed, gripping the sheets tighter so she wouldn't notice him trembling. "But no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I do, I'm never going to be him, and anything less just isn't good enough!" He could feel himself slipping and tried desperately to rein in his emotions. Fraiser touched his arm and he flinched violently.

"Jonas..."

He closed his eyes, feeling the sting of tears beneath his lids. "I'm sorry, Dr. Fraiser. I'm really tired and I'd like to get some sleep."

"Nobody expects you to _be_ Dr. Jackson," she said, squeezing his shoulder. "Just be yourself. That's all anyone can ask."

He shook his head, then looked her squarely in the eye. "I'm not blind, Doctor. I see the way that people look at me, the way that conversations stop when I walk into a room. I don't need any special powers to know that people are always comparing me to him, and after what Nirrti... what she did to me..." He drew a deep, shuddering breath and stared down at the covers.

"Jonas, don't do this to yourself. You can't second-guess..."

"That was one of the good things about my powers, I didn't have to second-guess anything. I could read peoples' thoughts, Dr. Fraiser. I know exactly how they feel about me. All Nirrti's tampering did was confirm what I already knew: I'm not good enough to be on the team, and I never will be." The dizziness was back, but he ignored it. "You want to know what Colonel O'Neill was thinking when I went down to try and open those cages?" He smiled. "_Daniel would never have betrayed us._ And he's probably right. If Dr. Jackson had been there instead of me..."

"If Daniel had been there, SG-1 wouldn't have come back." Fraiser's voice was firm.

Startled, Jonas looked up at her. Her gaze was steady as she spoke.

"Nirrti chose you because you're _not_ like Daniel. It's those differences that allowed you to do what you did... to rescue your teammates. You succeeded where Daniel would have failed, and it isn't the first time you've done it. Do you really think Colonel O'Neill would have let you on his team if he didn't think you were good enough?"

"I'm only on the team because he hates the Russians more than he hates me."

"You're on the team," she continued, "because he knows you can do the job. He trusts you to make the right choices, even if that means 'betraying' him in the process. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but you did the right thing. You did what you had to do to save your teammates. The sooner you recognize that, the sooner you'll realize that not everyone sees Daniel when they look at you. Just ask Lieutenant Rush" She winked. "Now. I'll let you get some sleep. Think about what I said."

She dimmed the lights as she left, and he heard her speaking softly to someone. There was an answering growl and his heart pounded; it sounded like O'Neill. No more was said, and eventually he fell asleep... and into a nightmare.

_Nirrti was straddling him, gently rocking her hips back and forth. His hands were around her waist, but when he tried to let go, she grabbed him. Her features altered, becoming bloated and rotten. "You are still mine, Jonas Quinn." Her words were slurred. He couldn't move, couldn't even turn his head as she lowered herself to kiss him. Her tongue forced its way past his lips, exploring every inch of his mouth. She tasted of dirt and decay. He tried to scream, but she sucked the breath out of him._

"I will find you again, my love, and together we shall recreate the universe. For our daughter..."

"No!" Gasping for breath, Jonas struggled to sit up. He was back in the infirmary, alone. His hands shook as he poured a glass of water and drained it, trying to rid himself of the lingering taste of death. What if he'd been wrong? What if he hadn't killed her? She could have made it to her sarcophagus and then...

"She's dead, Jonas."

The glass clattered to the floor as he looked around.

"I can't take you anywhere, can I?" O'Neill stood, stepping out of the shadowy recess behind the chair.

"Colonel O'Neill! I... What are you..." Jonas tried to get his breathing back under control.

"Don't worry about the glass," O'Neill said. "One of the nurses will clean it up. There's this really pretty one who's been hanging around..."

Jonas stared at him, wondering if he was still dreaming. "What are you doing here?"

"You're my teammate, you've been injured, so I'm here to show my support." He shrugged. "It's what I do." When Jonas didn't reply, he sighed and walked closer. "Look, Jonas, I'm sorry about what... happened, but you knew about the dangers when you signed on, right?"

"You're right. I did." The ceiling tiles were full of perforations. He started to count them.

"It's a dangerous universe out there and sometimes people get hurt. Sometimes they, ah... think things that they shouldn't."

His eyes itched, but he continued to count.

"Come on, Jonas, work with me here!" O'Neill waved his arm. "I'm not good at this... offering comfort thing."

"Thanks, Colonel, but I'm okay. Really." He was already up to fifty four.

"No, dammit, you're not okay!" O'Neill scrubbed the back of his neck and scowled. "You've been unconscious for three days. That isn't 'okay' in anyone's book."

Jonas lost count. "Three days?" He looked at O'Neill. "I was out for three days?"

O'Neill froze. "You didn't know that? Crap." He ducked his head. "Fraiser was probably gonna tell you when I... Well, anyway." He eyed Jonas. "Yeah. You've been out three days. They were beginning to think you might not come out of it."

Jonas continued to stare. "What happened?"

"Well, you were shot in the chest..." he started.

"No, after that." Jonas' head throbbed painfully. "How did we get back here? What happened to Alebran's people?"

"Oh. That." O'Neill grimaced. "You know, you're still recovering. Now may not be the best time..."

"They didn't make it, did they?" He could vaguely recall shouting, and seeing dark shapes running in all directions.

"No. Ah, they weren't exactly receptive to us, especially after they found out their goddess was dead."

"Right." Jonas chewed on his lip. He had hazy memories of being carried by someone... Teal'c? And of weapons discharging around them as they ran for the gate. "You're sure about that?"

"Oh, yeah," O'Neill said. "I checked on that myself. No breathing, no pulse, no glowing eyes, that sounds pretty dead to me, don't you think?"

"I guess..." Jonas replied uncertainly.

"There's no guessing about it! That's what I'm trying to tell you. Nirrti... is... dead. You killed her. Nice job, by the way."

Bile rose in Jonas' throat. He swallowed. "Thanks."

O'Neill stuffed his hands in his pockets. "So whatever she did to you... it doesn't matter. She can't touch you now."

The blood drain from his face, but a quick glance at O'Neill showed him that the colonel didn't know what had happened. At least he hoped not.

"Anyway, I gotta head out." O'Neill started backing towards the door. "Try and get some sleep. Oh, and don't let Carter steal your jello."

Left alone again, Jonas tried to feel reassured. Maybe O'Neill was right and Nirrti really was dead. But if she wasn't, if she had somehow managed to survive, he knew she would stop at nothing to find him. And when they finally met again, it wouldn't matter if the people at Stargate Command accepted him or not; no one would be able to save him from her wrath. His "special powers" might be gone, but Jonas knew that day was coming...

_Yes, that really is the end. At least until I get around to typing up the sequel. IF I ever get around to it._

_Feedback is, as always, greatly appreciated._


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